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Family unit Guy (Idiot box Series)

Tea Peter (2012)

Glenn Quagmire : Hey you ever accidentally masturbate to young pictures of your mom?

Peter Griffin : Who the fuck starts a conversation like that? I just sat downwardly.

Peter Griffin : Carter? Oh hey. Y'all're involved with the Tea Party? Expect a minute. This is what Brian was alert me nigh: that the Tea Party is run past rich guys who are but out for themselves.

Carter Pewterschmidt : Brian? You mean that arrogant, unemployed dog of yours? Peter, he'southward just one of those liberal elites who spreads lies and hates patriots.

Peter Griffin : Yeah, he kinda is.

Stewie Griffin : Not to alert anyone but a guy took me into the closet to try me on. I fit by the fashion.

Tea Party Rally Speaker : Welcome, everyone! It'due south great to see and so many regular people out here. Folks who are tired of big authorities and are ready to stand up for their rights.

Tea Political party Member : Yeah!

Tea Party Member : Down with the Spend-o-crats!

Peter Griffin : We are Marshall!

Joe Swanson : Male child, they're really against socialism.

Peter Griffin : That's correct. The Tea Party is all about self-reliance. Wait, there's fifty-fifty a Tunnel of Cocky-Love.

[as customers enter the ride, they're each given a copy of Playboy magazine]

Ride Attendant : [to a customer coming out] Would you like to buy a photo of yourself on the ride, sir?

Male Customer : No, I would not.

Carter Pewterschmidt : All right, now, remember, the Tea Political party is a grassroots movement. We're non covered by the lamestream media, and then nosotros gotta achieve out to the common human being individually.

Peter Griffin : Correct, common man.

[he dials a telephone number]

Woman on Telephone : [picking upward] Howdy?

Peter Griffin : Aw, jeez, it's... it's a girl.

[Carter shakes his head in disapproval]

Peter Griffin : May I speak to the man of the house?

Woman on Phone : This is the woman of the house, and there is no man living here.

Peter Griffin : No? West-W-What is... I-I... how are you paying for this telephone?

Adult female on Phone : I'yard a lawyer.

Peter Griffin : Oh, I see, and are you in your little courthouse correct now representing Barbie?

[she hangs upward]

Peter Griffin : Okay, 1 vote for the Tea Party.

Carter Pewterschmidt : All right, kiss government goodbye.

Peter Griffin : Yeah, I can't expect to burn all them city employees, starting with that half-asleep structure worker.

[cut to him in traffic approaching construction on the sidewalk; the worker holds upwards a stop sign while simultaneously waving him forward]

Peter Griffin : What the hell? West-W-Which one is information technology, finish or go forward? This is a large deal. They're not at all similar.

[the worker turns his sign around, which reads "tiresome"]

Peter Griffin : Ah, no, no, no, no. You, sir, accept lost my business organisation.

[he gets out of the car and walks away]

Carter Pewterschmidt : Y'all and I are both businessmen who work hard and pay taxes. Except that I make 10,000 times what you brand.

Peter Griffin : Yeah, nosotros're the same, you and me.

Carter Pewterschmidt : You know, Peter, the truth is, I could really use a regular guy like you to assist get our message out, and I know Joe Workingman agrees with me.

[putting on his hard hat with a false wig]

Carter Pewterschmidt : Love to have yous on board, Peter.

Peter Griffin : Wow, thank you, Joe. You tin can count on me.

[Carter takes the disguise off]

Peter Griffin : Aw, Carter, you only missed Joe Workingman.

Carter Pewterschmidt : [amused laugh] Oh, I think he'll know I was here.

[he starts laughing diabolically, and Peter joins in nervously]

Peter Griffin : I'm not sure what's happening.

Brian Griffin : The Tea Party isn't the grassroots movement you recollect it is. It's actually funded by big-business types who are using you to get the government out of their way so they tin roll over everyone.

Stewie Griffin : Mom held hands with a woman at the gas station this morning. Don't know what that means. But reporting it.

Brian Griffin : All I'grand maxim is you're being used and you're as well clueless to know information technology.

Peter Griffin : Boy, you just think you're and then superior, don't you? Similar that offset creature to walk on dry out land.

[cutaway]

Fish #i : Hey, where'd you lot become?

Second Creature : Ah, I went for a jog.

Fish #ane : What's a jog?

Second Creature : It'due south a great way to stay in shape is what it is.

Fish #iii : Is it like a swim?

2nd Animate being : [condescening laugh] No, no, information technology's, it's nothing similar a swim.

Peter Griffin : Wow, a lot of people here today.

Glenn Quagmire : Yes. Human being, I love street fairs. They got rides, games, and ethic nutrient cooked horribly by white Americans.

Taco Lover #ii : [with a thick Bostonian accent] Tack-os! Hot tack-bone here!

Taco Lover : Oh, are those tack-os?

Taco Lover #2 : Yous ameliorate believe they're tack-os.

Taco Lover : I love tack-bone! Particularly on a corn tor-till-uh.

Taco Lover #two : Oh! I love tack-bone on a corn tor-till-uh!

Lois Griffin : Oh, hullo, Peter. How was your rally?

Peter Griffin : Oh, it was swell, and now I know information technology's the correct cause to go behind 'cause a smart guy like your dad is involved.

Brian Griffin : What? Carter was at the Tea Political party rally?

Peter Griffin : Yeah, he was running the whole thing.

Brian Griffin : Peter, what did I tell you about rich guys?

Peter Griffin : Look, I know what y'all're thinking, Brian, but don't worry. Information technology's all okay. Turns out y'all're the enemy. They're the ones who are on our side.

Brian Griffin : [sarcastic] Oh, of course, Carter Pewterschmidt, an industrialist with oil refineries in this city, is on your side. He wants to get rid of environmental regulations for you.

Stewie Griffin : Brian, he doesn't get sarcasm.

Peter Griffin : No, information technology's not simply environmental regulations, Brian. Carter wants to get rid of the whole metropolis government of Quahog. He even put me in charge of the PR campaign to do it.

Lois Griffin : Become rid of the government? Peter, if I know my dad, he'southward probably using you.

Peter Griffin : Lois, I'm so glad y'all've done the dishes so that you can hang out and chime in on this.

Lois Griffin : Actually, Peter, I haven't done the dishes.

Peter Griffin : Oh, y'all oasis't? Well, and then, I'm confused.

Stewie Griffin : Oh, he does get sarcasm.

Peter Griffin : Hi, in that location. May I help yous folks?

Peter's Customer : Yes, my family and I would like our portrait painted.

Peter Griffin : Well, y'all came to the correct identify.

[he reveals an easel and painting supplies]

Peter Griffin : [a few minutes later] Looking practiced. Almost done. And... there. Washed.

[showing them the finished painting, they see the father and son sitting normally, with the married woman and daughter in their underwear kissing]

Peter's Customer : What have you done?

Peter Griffin : I painted the truth. I painted my truth.

Tea Party Rally Speaker : And now, it's my privilege to innovate some other regular, blue-neckband guy, our Quahog chapter spokesman, Joe Workingman!

Carter Pewterschmidt : [with an obviously bad disguise] Skilful afternoon, friends and socioeconomic equals! Is anyone else out there sick of government crap?

Peter Griffin : [as the crowd thanks] Oh, my God. It's similar he's saying everything I'thou listening to.

Carter Pewterschmidt : That's right. The government wants to tell yous what foods to eat.

[boos]

Carter Pewterschmidt : And what church yous can go to.

[more boos]

Carter Pewterschmidt : And that you can't own a chimpanzee considering you're not responsible enough.

Peter Griffin : [more boos] I would feed it!

Carter Pewterschmidt : As well, the government wants to tell you lot how many children you lot can take.

John Herbert : [mortified] What? No!

Carter Pewterschmidt : And the government wants to tell you y'all tin can't throw your sometime TVs into the river.

Conseula : Then how I supposed to observe Television set?

Carter Pewterschmidt : If y'all join the Tea Political party, together, we tin fix all that. But you probably don't wanna join the Tea Party because all y'all get are these stupid, crawly keychains!

Joe Swanson : [afterward a voice communication from "Joe Workingman"] I got to say, that guy made a lot of sense.

Glenn Quagmire : He sure did. The government's really gotten out of hand.

Peter Griffin : Yeah, those bastards have ruined everything. The same fashion the Village People ruined whatsoever gathering of a cop, an Indian chief, and a construction worker.

Peter Griffin : What do you think, mom, is that the most cute bride you've ever seen?

Bride : I beloved it!

Bride's Female parent : Oh, it'south merely so much money.

Peter Griffin : It's true. It's true. Accept the wearing apparel off, sweetheart. Your mother says you can't have it.

Bride'due south Mother : W-Wait, wait, wait a infinitesimal. Practice you really love information technology?

Bride : I do. It but feels like my wedding ceremony dress.

Peter Griffin : Oh, mom, she loves information technology.

Bride'southward Mother : Okay. Nosotros'll accept it.

Lois Griffin : [coming downstairs] Peter, what is that girl doing in my wedding dress?

Peter Griffin : [crawling under the dress's hem] She gone?

Bride : No.

Peter Griffin : Okay, well, while I'm down hither, allow me give you my card. There you go.

Peter Griffin : Oh, hey, Joe. What's going on?

Joe Swanson : Peter, I'm afraid I'grand here to shut you downwardly. Y'all're running an unlicensed concern, and that's against the constabulary.

Peter Griffin : Aw, that is such bullcrap.

Joe Swanson : Well, you lot can't fight Urban center Hall.

Peter Griffin : Oh, we'll see virtually that!

[leaving and coming back beaten up]

Peter Griffin : City Hall knows karate.

Peter Griffin : Picket out there, Brian. Looks like the floor is moisture.

Alan : [passing by] Excuse me. I'm kind of in a hurry.

[slipping on the water puddle]

Alan : Ahhh! Son of a bowwow!

Peter Griffin : Oh, my God! Are you okay?

Alan : I'thousand sorry. I've been a fleck distracted lately. I remember my wife has been crossing the street with another human being.

Alan's Wife : [exterior, crossing the street with another generic-sign effigy] God, I hope Alan doesn't find out.

Lois Griffin : Peter, what are you doing?

Peter Griffin : I'm just puttin' upwards my new sign.

Lois Griffin : Don't put that affair on our door. If you lot desire to hang information technology somewhere, hang it in the basement.

Peter Griffin : Oh, why? So y'all can hog it while you're doing laundry? No way.

Lois Griffin : Peter, nosotros're non a business.

Peter's Client : [coming in] Hey, I saw your sign. And so, you're open?

Peter Griffin : That's right.

Peter's Client : What practise you lot do?

Peter Griffin : What do you need?

Peter's Customer : Milk.

Peter Griffin : We have milk.

Peter Griffin : Adept Tea Party forenoon, anybody!

Brian Griffin : Peter, y'all joined the Tea Party?

Peter Griffin : That's correct, Brian. I finally got something better to do with my Saturdays than sit at the mall and spotter Japanese girls express mirth at normal chat.

Peter Griffin : Hey, Mort, what's this affair?

Mort Goldman : Oh, that? That's my "Come in! Nosotros're open up" sign.

Peter Griffin : What'due south that, like an iPad?

Mort Goldman : No, information technology'south a sign.

Peter Griffin : Wish I had one of those.

Mort Goldman : I've got a whole box of 'em. Accept information technology. Information technology's yours. No charge.

Peter Griffin : Ugh, typical Jew.

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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2040798/characters/nm0532235